I hadn’t planned to blog about the 94th Academy Awards. Like millions of others, however, the altercation between actor Will Smith and comedian Chris Rock captured my attention and wouldn’t let go.

Many of us watched the Academy Awards telecast to escape our troubles, not to see our repressed rage play out on stage. We can dress up and win awards but we can’t shortcut the hard work of honestly inspecting our attitudes and being mindful of our behaviors.

On March 21, I posted a blog titled, The Last Straw , in which I wrote about how stress causes us to overreact. The spectacle of the 94th Academy Awards ceremony is what happens when we don’t regulate our emotions, allowing our amygdala to hijack our prefrontal cortex.

Both Smith and Rock displayed unevolved behavior, escalating to a final blow being delivered by Smith. This show of Neanderthal behavior reinforced several dangerous stereotypes.

Black on Black

Two black men going after each other verbally and physically reinforces a prevalent stereotype of Black-on-Black violence. Black men attacking each other in such a public manner foments even more racist beliefs. Former Surgeon General Dr. Jerome Adams would like this fiasco to become a teachable moment to focus on mental health. Only if we change the focus from who’s to blame to awareness and remedies for stress, Dr. Adams might get his wish.

Chivalry

Protecting women has been an excuse provided for violent behavior for centuries. Instead of defending the honor of women, chivalry is mostly about male competition and machismo. Many a wrongful act has been committed in the name of love: love of family, love of nation, love of ideology. Rage masquerading as love gets us into a heap of trouble.

Chris Rock’s comment about Smith’s wife, Jada, was as low brow as it comes—inappropriate and insensitive. Unfortunately, taking aim at women’s appearance has long been considered acceptable fodder for comics. Because Rock’s “joke” also crossed the line into bullying and shaming, he was seriously not funny.

But the way we handle bad or offensive humor in most comedy venues is to boo, not step on stage and hit the comedian. Although we teach our children to use their words to settle disputes, in our macho culture, some applaud adult aggression.

Lessons Learned

According to the United Nations, violent conflict is on the rise worldwide. We’re in the middle of a war waged by a madman and our cities are plagued by all types of anti-social behavior, from reckless driving to gun violence . And men, in particular, deal with their stress by acting out in aggressive ways. We mistakenly look to celebrities as role models when they’re at least as flawed as the rest of us.

Chris Rock’s thinly-veiled misogyny and Will Smith’s thinly-veiled toxic masculinity were on full display for all of us to witness if we care to scratch beneath the surface. Rather than taking sides, we can see what happens when we don’t do the hard work of monitoring our thoughts, our speech and our behaviors.  Let this be a lesson for all of us—even the rich and famous—as we struggle to maintain our balance and well-being during this stressful time.

 “We have more possibilities available in each moment than we realize.”

—Thich Nhat Hanh