Aside from essential workers and those with children undertow, many people are finding they have more time on their hands than usual. The impulse is to go on social media, read posts, peruse pictures, and post responses. Although intended to help us feel connected, this behavior can undermine our wellbeing.

Just as we’ve trained ourselves not too get too close to neighbors, we might be better off if we train ourselves to avoid the impulse to check social media and compare ourselves to those who may be reckless in their postings.

Not OK, Boomer

Lately I’ve been pondering grandparent FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). Some grandparents I know and hear about are anguishing over not being with their grandchildren right now. They’re hearing stories about other grandparents whose families are abandoning the advice of experts and delivering grandchildren to the steps of grandparents. 

One grandparent posted a picture of herself on a social media site holding her infant grandchild.  (Thumb in your eye, Dr. Fauci.) Although this grandparent would never consider herself in the same category as the young adults who posted pictures of themselves at the beach being defiant of physical distancing orders, I see little difference. It’s one thing if you want to defy rules, it’s quite another to post such defiance, fomenting FOMO.

I recently read an article by a woman, who for various reasons, never had children. Being childless has taken her decades to reconcile. Now, as she approaches her 60th birthday, she is having to cope with old feelings of loss as friends begin sending her pictures of their grandchildren. Have we boomers lost our minds and our empathy at the same time?   

I have much respect and admiration for grandparents raising their grandchildren out of necessity. These are not the grandparents posting pictures on social media; they’re way too busy for that sort of nonsense. I’ve come to think my rebellious friends of the past have turned into a slightly-updated version of the very parents against whom they rebelled.

Quit Kvetching

When my mother was in her final years of life, I was traveling cross-country every few months to visit her. The visits were exhausting for me. Before one such weekend trek, I was kvetching to my colleague, Laurie, about needing to go back East again. Laurie, whose mother died young, looked at me with her sad eyes and said, “You should be thankful you have a mother to visit.”  She was right, of course. But more than my lack of gratitude, I realized complaining to others, especially Laurie, was insensitive and disrespectful.

Right now, when most of us are depleted and using all our energy to stay sane, complaining about not seeing your children, grandchildren, or resuming pre-pandemic routines seems— well— clueless.

Envy and FOMO

Envy and FOMO are traveling companions. Envy is simply wanting what someone else has. Intellectually we know we should be happy for “friends” (otherwise known as “followers” on social media), who tell us of their good fortune or who post images exhibiting their wins. Emotionally, however, we can’t help comparing our lives to theirs and wondering why/how ours falls short.

One of the kindest things we can do right now is not foment FOMO. I believe social media has brought out some of our worst instincts and our weakest traits. I’m not sure if the narcissism lying dormant in us is unleashed by social media or if social media has created more narcissism. In any case, it’s time for us to relate to each other as compassionate individuals.

Someday, those of us lucky enough to survive this crazy pandemic, will get to visit and hold our loved ones. I look forward to that time—without seeing posts of those very special and private moments on social media.