I want to find the bad guy—the evil-doer who is at fault for whatever injustice has occurred. In this way, I’m like most of us trying to determine who’s been naughty and who’s been nice. But life is more complicated than separating the saints from the sinners—we’re all a bundle of contradictions. Our behaviors can be virtuous at one moment and corrupt at another.

Breaking Bad, a once-popular crime/drama television show, highlighted the concept of good people gone bad—very bad. Over five seasons, the main character Walter White devolved from mild-mannered chemistry teacher trying to make ends meet to violent drug kingpin. Although the show was a fantastical portrait of power and greed gone awry, it did hint at the precarious moral compass that drives our behavior.

Delusional Thinking

On the February 15th episode of one of my favorite podcasts, Terrible Thanks for Asking, host Nora McInerny interviewed a scammer who stole a couple of million dollars from working-class folks. Isaiah Goodman is now serving a seven-year prison term but his victims are still without their hard-earned savings. During the interview, Goodman expressed remorse and explained his criminal conduct as a reaction to his low self-esteem, his drive for perfection and feelings that he was never good enough.

Like Bernie Madoff, the granddaddy of scammers, Goodman deluded himself into believing he was just borrowing others’ money and would be able to pay them back as soon as he got his “big break.” Also, like Madoff, that break never came and he was indicted before he could do further harm.

Thankfully, most of us will never let our delusions and low self-esteem steer us to criminal activity but our shadow self (aka our evil twin) can sometimes lead to less-than-desirable behaviors.

A Slippery Slope

For decades, actress Julia Sweeney, of Saturday Night Live fame, has described the criminal conduct of her youth. Sweeney was employed as a bartender’s assistant when she began embezzling funds from her employer. The theft began by taking money from the till for bus fare to supplement her meager wages. Before long she was stealing larger amounts of cash for utilities and rent. This criminal activity came to a close after she realized that she was taking large amounts of money just because she could. She sought mental health help.

Reminiscent of Sweeney’s story, I worked with a woman who rationalized stealing from the register by claiming she was taking money that was due her. Here’s where things get complex in terms of assigning blame. I never reported her or even talked to her about my discomfort. Did that make me an accomplice? Perhaps. I’d like to think that I’ve matured since then and my moral compass has strengthened.

Finding Our Moral Compass

In addition to power, greed and ego, we can misplace our moral compass because of fear and desperation. The other day, I had one of my social media posts hijacked by someone desperate to sell a product. Of course, social media has seen much worse.

Strengthening one’s moral compass builds self-esteem and increases one’s sense of worth. Lying and cheating, then, as a result of low self-esteem is the definition of self-sabotaging behavior.

Taking an inventory of one’s values can help align behaviors accordingly. This is what it means to live authentically and with integrity. A few paragraphs ago, I recounted the time when I said nothing about a coworker’s theft. Fifty years later, I’m still remembering this incident with regret. My decision to remain silent showed a lack of integrity and failing of character.

But our minds have a crazy way of manipulating reality. We may justify our actions or rationalize decisions that obscure our values. Instead of rationalizing, we must use our rational minds to ferret out right from wrong.

Previously-mentioned scammer Isaiah Goodman claimed he valued helping people of color. Being a Black man, he knew that amassing wealth was particularly challenging for people like him. Goodman observed how white entrepreneurs were able to lure investors and venture capitalists, while he struggled with his own startup. Goodman rationalized that he was using his clients’ money in the same way others used investors’ capital. He told himself that he would soon be able to pay back his clients.

The obvious (to us) chink in his armor was that Goodman’s clients did not agree to have their money used in this way. If he would’ve asked, most would have declined. On some level, Goodman knew this, which is why he never asked. The other break from reality is his belief that he would be able to pay the money back before his ruse was discovered. A quick Google search reveals that 90 % percent of startups fail. Goodman never considered the possibility that he wouldn’t be able to pay back the money he stole.  

Few of us wake up in the morning with the idea that on this day, we’re going to scam, lie and cheat our way to happiness. But sometimes we neglect to use our intellect and awareness—we give the reins to our evil twin. Living one’s life in a way that’s consistent with one’s values and beliefs is not a one-off endeavor; it requires restraint, care, and vigilance.

You first have to comprehend fully the deeply held beliefs—the values, standards, ethics, and ideals—that drive you. You have to freely and honestly choose the principles you will use to guide your decisions and actions. …When you have clarified your values and found your voice, you will also find the inner confidence necessary to express ideas, choose a direction, make tough decisions, act with determination, and be able to take charge of your life rather than impersonating others.

James Kouzes and Barry Posner, The Leadership Challenge