I recently spent a week with a group of friends at a French chateau run by an American ex-con. Of course, none of us knew prior to our arrival that our host had run an elaborate Ponzi scheme and served time for money laundering, wire fraud and bilking investors out of millions of dollars. How we discovered our host’s dark past was through his wife, whose natural censors were limited by cognitive decline.

Can a Leopard Change Its Spots?

I found myself unable to look our host in the eye, to trust anything he said or did. I had to face the cold truth that I don’t believe in redemption when it comes to con artists. By definition, a con artist lacks empathy. They are likely sociopaths and narcissists.

Adult sociopaths are resistant to change. Prison does little to reform someone with antisocial personality disorder. They may certainly have remorse for being caught but not for inflicting pain and suffering on others.

Red Flags

You may find it odd—as did I—that the chosen career path for a narcissist/sociopath was hospitality. From the beginning of our week’s stay, there were signs that our host was focused on himself, not on his guests. After our trans-Atlantic journey, he assembled us all in a room for orientation. Our “welcome” consisted of reiterating the rules of the chateau; no maps or recommendations for sightseeing or our enjoyment were provided. One of us had to ask for water.

Another red flag that my traveling companions and I missed was that our host neglected to ever use his last name in communications or on his website. Omitting one’s last name might indicate a wish to hide (unless your name is Madonna, Rihanna or Beyoncé); with a full name and the aid of the internet, uncovering someone’s sordid past takes about 30 seconds or less. Nonetheless, with enough identifying information, even without a last name, revealing our host’s criminal record took no time at all.

Ego-enhancing Stories

Con artists are superb story tellers. Had our host’s wife not outed him, I would have listened to his stories about the hard work involved in renovating the chateau (while he was, in fact, in prison) with no reason to doubt his selfless sacrifice.

Whether or not a con artist comes to believe his own stories is anyone’s guess. What we do know is that the more rehearsed the con artist is in spinning his self-aggrandizing tales, the more convincing his delivery becomes.

The Gift of Confidence

Although all con artists are sociopaths, according to Diana B. Henriques, author of The Wizard of Lies, not all sociopaths are criminals. Some live in the C-suites of our corporations. Con artists are masters at instilling confidence in others. This is why we hand over our life savings to them or support them in their entrepreneurial efforts.

Hiding in Plain Sight

Basically, we’re trusting humans; we have to be. Civilization would come to a grinding halt if we questioned everyone we met. In addition to being trusting, we may also be gullible and inflate our abilities to spot a scoundrel.

Many of us believe (erroneously) that we can identify a crook or a scam when we encounter one. Con artists rely on this self-deception. Deception—that of the con artist as well as the self-deception of those who fall prey—is the juice that feeds scams.

Trust vs Gullibility

Law scholar, Tamar Frankel, has been studying con artists for decades and understands that they prey on others’ trust and the desire to accept magic: that their wishes will be granted. This desire leads to gullibility—the tendency to believe without reasonable evidence.

The propensity to believe without evidence is what distinguishes a trusting person from a gullible one. Both trust and gullibility require us to be vulnerable but the trusting person relies on some basis for their willingness to be vulnerable. Contrary to what you might think, research has shown that high trusters are not more gullible than low trusters.

Numerous experts and lay people alike consider intuition a dependable skill in determining who is trustworthy. Since overthinking, worry and deep-rooted fears contaminate our intuition, our gut feelings can prove faulty, however. A more reliable skill to hone is a heightened awareness of those red flags hiding in plain sight.

We must put our faith in others in order to function in society, but we can also have a healthy dose of skepticism and do our homework before we hand over the keys to our kingdom.

“I'm an incredibly gullible person - I'm so bad that when I said that to someone, my friend said, 'You know, 'gullible' isn't even in the dictionary. ' And I said, 'Really?”

—Actress Carla Gugino