Dabblers and Dilettantes

The fear of failure is often cited as a reason many of us don’t succeed in reaching our goals.  Perhaps even more debilitating, however, is the fear of mediocrity.  We are a nation of dabblers: dilettantes.  We try one activity only to abandon it when we realize we’re not going to excel at it in a week or a month.

Whether attempting to learn a new language, a new craft, or a new sport, if we can’t be great, many of us abandon trying.  I can still remember a volunteer teaching gig I had 20 years ago: helping a first- grade teacher with reading activities. I was assigned two children: a girl and a boy -- recent immigrants from Mexico.

The girl was undeterred by her minimal English vocabulary.  She tried to express herself using the few English words she knew combined with her native Spanish.  The boy, on the other hand, refused to speak; his fear of making mistakes meant he did not progress in English language acquisition at the rate of his classmate.  I think of that little girl often when my fear of looking foolish prevents me from pursuing my goals.

Beat Best

One of the myths of mediocrity is that it propels us forward.  In some cases (think: Steve Jobs, Elon Musk), this may be true.  For others, it prevents us from throwing our hats into the ring.

This fear could be the reason researchers find that most of us rank ourselves as “above average” on many surveys.  One study found that 65% of those surveyed reported their intelligence as “smarter than average.” Statistically, this doesn’t make sense.   The dread of being just average (i.e. mediocre), distorts our ability to accurately self-report and self-assess.

This concept of “illusory superiority” on positive traits may protect our fragile egos but it inhibits us from making the needed changes to propel us forward and help us reach our goals.  David Dunning has been studying this phenomenon for decades.

In Dunning’s many studies, he reveals the real downside of the illusion of superiority or confidence.  Overestimating our qualities and inflating our own abilities may help us feel confident but we don’t learn from our mistakes.  Confidence doesn’t compensate for incompetence.

The Other Side of the Coin

As a former school counselor and a current job coach for some, I have witnessed both false bravado and the fear of mediocrity –the other side of the coin. Sometimes the fear creates paralysis.

Students would fail to submit an assignment and receive a big, fat ZERO, rather than turn in a paper they deemed “average.”  Clients don’t apply for jobs for which they don’t meet every single preferred qualification, fearing they won’t be the top candidate.

I, myself, almost didn’t apply for a job because I saw in fine print that a bilingual candidate was preferred.  Fortunately, I reached out to the hiring manager and queried her about that qualification.  The manager was surprised it was even on the job description and encouraged me to apply.  I was ultimately hired for that position.

Going for the Gold

Perfectionism and fear of mediocrity go hand in hand.   Many of us can relate to being among the finalists for a job, a sporting competition, selling opportunity or an award.  Typically, if we don’t get the job, the recognition, or the sale, we frame placing second or third or even fourth as a failure; i.e. we lost the job, the competition or the sale.

In reality, we didn’t LOSE anything because we never had it.  If we framed the event as having WON the opportunity to showcase our skills and talents, wouldn’t this energize us?  I remember going to a sales training seminar during which the trainer promoted the idea that every “no” gets us closer to a “yes.”

Set, Go, Ready

Friends and clients confess they’re not ready to find a new career or a relationship or start a new project.  When are we ready to do anything? We can wait a lifetime to become ready. Our human race would be extinct if we all waited to be ready for parenthood.  (In some cases, we wish readiness had been factored in family planning.)

I’m no fan of impulsive decision-making but I do believe “enough is enough.”  At a certain point, one has to defecate or get off the pot. 

Readiness is a myth.  One can prepare for a new job, a new role, a new relationship or even a new adventure, but being ready obscures the reality that life is just a series of on-the-job lessons.

Many of us hold back because we think without “readiness” failure is guaranteed.  More likely, resistance to alter one’s course, not learn from mistakes and process our missteps lead to failure.

After the Fall

Here’s the good news: we’re more resilient than we think.  Few of our decisions are irreversible.  We may make really poor choices but most of those choices can be undone.  If you’re like me, you’ve imagined a really bad encounter that turned out way better than you feared.  And even when bad stuff happens, people report they survive --some even thrive -- after the fall.