Love in the Time of COVID-19

“May God be with me! May Heaven bless this New Year. May it be a year of fruitfulness, of peace and prosperity; may it be a year of peace and unity for all mankind; may the world be freed of cholera.”

--Giacomo Meyerbeer (1791-1864), German Opera Composer

The cholera pandemics began in the early 19th century and ebbed and flowed for over a hundred years until life-saving vaccines and rehydration treatment were developed.  In all, millions of people perished.  Like COVID-19 (otherwise known as the coronavirus), about 80 percent of cases were mild and went undetected at first.  Another feature of these most-famous pandemics was the spread of misinformation, as well mishandling of early cases and resultant anxiety. Sound familiar?

I am writing this piece as a cruise ship with thousands of passengers, who have been exposed to the corona virus, is docked a few miles from my home.  I’m also “nursing” a cold which normally would not keep me away from my typical practices.  But these are not normal times, so I’m self-quarantining today – alone with my thoughts.

Going the Distance

Social distancing is a phrase that has just recently entered our lexicon.  We’ve been advised to avoid shaking hands, hugging and getting too close to others.  This takes some getting used to if you are a hugger, like me.  Fist and elbow bumping, as well as blowing kisses (aka air kisses) have become more acceptable these days.  Bowing with a “namaste” is also a pleasant replacement for physical contact.

In-person meetings and conferences are being replaced by web video conferencing.  I can remember going to a teleconferencing symposium in the early ‘80s, where presenters were certain flying to conferences and training programs were going to become obsolete in the very near future.  Fast forward almost 40 years, and we’re just now taking advantage of our technology.  This pandemic may be pushing us to the future.

What’s Love Got to Do With It

The popular dating app, Tinder, has warned its users to practice social distancing, although some have pointed out that social distancing is antithetical to the goal of dating: close contact. Whether fear of infection through casual contact is keeping dating hopefuls off dating apps remains to be seen. Anecdotally folks are reporting their reluctance to meet strangers and pursue relationships at this time.

The Uncertain Future

Our brains have been called “anticipation machines.”  We combine past experiences with current information to predict the future and avoid adversity.  Even when we have little control over certain outcomes, we cling to information as our lifeline.  I had a friend who ate enormous quantities of broccoli, believing the nutritionists who claim this would ward off cancer. Sadly, this was not my friend’s reality. As unreliable as our sources may be, we look for answers when uncertainty looms.

Everywhere we turn, news sources, reader boards, and messages from organizations and employers are encouraging/cajoling us to wash our hands with soap and hot water while singing the Happy Birthday song twice.  (This could be an effective method of social distancing.) On the face of it, this is good advice.  But what if hand washing doesn’t prevent us from getting sick? 

We’re told to avoid large gatherings, especially if we’re over 50 (that’s more than a third of U.S. residents) but not to panic.  We’re advised to sit in window seats in planes and avoid passengers who are coughing and sneezing.  But what if the sick passenger is in the middle seat with no possibility of relocating?  Our brains often go to the worst scenario.

Brains Under Stress

Uncertainty causes anxiety which causes stress.  When the scales are relatively balanced with regard to what we believe is certain and what we fear is uncertain, life goes on normally. But when the scales are tipped toward the uncertain, stress overtakes our good judgment.  This is when we make up stories about what’s happening and what will result, and when we make bad choices.

Driving under the influence of stress contributes to road rage and causes a level of distraction that is downright dangerous.  While on my regular morning beach walk this week, I noted that cyclists were riding more carelessly than usual. (I’ve been walking this route for years.) Instead of letting walkers and runners know they were approaching, an unusual number of riders just raced past pedestrians without giving warning.

Taming Anxiety

One remedy for future fear is to create more certainty in your life when things seem to be falling apart.  Establishing routines (if only for the short term) such as planning out your meals, waking up at the same time every day, going for a daily walk or run, reading at a certain time each night, etc. can help create a sense of safety.

Imagining the worst-case scenario (catastrophic thinking) can be useful when preparing for the “what if.”  Managing catastrophic thinking rather than having it manage us is important. Rational problem solving is the flip side of catastrophic thinking.

Catastrophic Thinking Gone Awry

As soon as the COVID-19 crisis seemed to be a reality, consumers emptied the shelves of disinfectants and toilet paper, along with other non perishables. Getting a two-week supply of toilet paper is prudent but buying enough for a year may be overreacting.  (The virus does not cause diarrhea.) The panic has also led people to buy caseloads of bottled water, confusing natural disasters with the spread of virus.  Tap water will be available if you have the virus or not.

Countering the worst-case scenario with the best-case scenario may also help ease anxiety. This does not mean acting in a cavalier manner, but instead, putting the situation in perspective. The spread of COVID-19 will peak, then run its course like any pandemic; and eventually a vaccine will be developed.

The New, Cleaner Normal

Lately organizations have been sending emails to customers and constituents outlining their new cleaning protocols in an attempt to reassure the public of their efforts to disinfect high traffic areas.  Officials are boasting that floors are being mopped, handrails wiped, and elevator buttons cleaned. We’re left wondering why it took the threat of a pandemic for this type of cleaning. 

Three years ago, I spent a few days in the Dubai airport. (I stayed in the airport hotel on the front and back end of a trip to India.)  What so impressed me was the cleanliness of the airport.  Everywhere I turned cleaning crews were wiping down handrails on escalators and moving sidewalks. Perhaps, we’ve tolerated grimy public spaces in the U.S. more than we should.

The silver lining, if there is one, is that our new normal may be a cleaner normal. Only time will tell if hand-washing rituals, clean transportation hubs, as well as respectfully keeping one’s distance when ill, and covering one’s mouth while sneezing or a coughing will continue long after COVID-19 is a distant memory.

And Finally…Out of an Abundance of Caution

Don’t you wish you had a dollar for every time you’ve heard or read the phrase “out of an abundance of caution” during the past few weeks?  This phrase is certainly overused and some scientists believe it provides a cover for non-scientific, and possibly, irrational actions.

So, out of an abundance of caution, I’m headed to the bathroom now to wash my hands with soap and hot water while singing two rounds of Happy Birthday.